Girl from school

My dreams lately have been so hard to remember. Im not completely sure why, only speculation. Either way. One dream that has been bugging me this morning was a dream of this girl named Heather. We go to the same college, and i see her pretty frequently. Every time i see her, the warmth of her smile aimed in my direction is enough to melt my frigged interior, bringing me back to life for those few seconds. Like a phoenix down she exist.

In the beginning of this dream, there she was, so close that i could smell the subtle scent of her perfume. We were in some two story house, and my whole extended family was there, everyone from my step dads side of the family. This seemed to be a sort of family get together, perhaps a party of some sort, but she was there, and i was exclusively trying to talk to just her, trying to see what was in and on her mind, the rest of what was happening, was happening in a blurred sense in the background. Well a few minutes had passed in the dream and her boyfriend showed up, like he does in real life when we are in the library and im battling my will to talk to her. In real life, this dude treats her like she is his property, he yells at her nshit. Anyways.. He appeared in my dream (figures). I found out in the dream why he kept appearing, because my step dad kept ratting me out to him. Well there was a moment, when everyone seemed to have disappeared from the house or something, her and i were in a room about 15 ft by 20 ft, there was a bed and other typical bedroom things as well as woodgrain everything, i think she was laying down when i first got in there, and she was slightly weeping, explaining to me softly that she is tired of him, and would really like to be doing something different. I laid beside her, gently tracing her lips with my finger tips, wiped away her tears, and as she snuggled against me like i had hoped she would for so long, her boyfriend comes in and starts freaking the fuck out, well they disappear from my dream scape all together and i was feeling so let down by life that i remember punching huge ass holes into the walls of that particular room i was in. Then i woke up, rolled over and drifted off into another dream.

I dreamed of april

I dreamed I was working ina grocery store, as a bagger, and there she was. The only woman I ever loved. My heart skiped a few beats. I remember feeling a lump in my throat that made it hard to swollow, but she wouldn't stop and talk to me, she just ignored me like she had no idea who I was, she was walking out of the store and I ran after her, cause I was shocked to have seen her In the first place. Yelling her name to deaf ears I felt this insatiable urge to weep tears of deep lonley sadness, even as I type this now the feelings of missing her so badly, is starting to consume my very existence. As she got in her car, and the knot in my stomach grew, she was driving off and I was looking into her mirror, hoping to make eye contact one last time, it happened, she looked directly into my eyes via her mirror as she drove off. And I died inside a little more. Turned around putting my back to her and began to cry. I didn't wake up but the dream did end.


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12/12/10 - interesting

So i keep having this reoccurring dream-scape that im in some sort of hospital. The dream from last night was, i had gotten out of the hospital and everything was like i was really really relaxed, i remember asking the nurse what was up, and she said im fine that ive already taken all of my meds for that day that i didnt need anymore. even tho i was relaxed and it was hard to move, i had this understanding that i just got out of surgery a few days prior, that their was something wrong with my head. I also had another dream that i was driving down the road and the person with me was tripping about me not having gas, i was like no worries, its monday and ive got money, my unemployment came. Crazier even yet, before that dream, i had a dream that it was today and i already put in my info for unemployment, like i lived consecutive days in my dreaming mind. My goal is to become so good at dreaming, that i can cause extreme time dilation. I also managed to go lucid for a short period of time and opened a "portal" but as soon as i steped into the darkness i lost lucidity.

12/8/2010 - Snipers Nest

I came to consciousness in the attic of small 2 story log cabin, im saying it was log because i can remember the house kinda smelling like cedar. I secured the stairs leading to the top floor with some kind of short range explosive, like a proximity mine or something. Then went to the first shooting room, I made a mistake by  using the window that didnt have a screen, my first shot took the head off of my target but quickly i had bullets flying through the walls all around me, after i picked some of them off, it started to quiet down but now they were coming to my small building, so i remember running down the hall, peeped out of the window at the end of the hall, ran too room two which had a window into room one, and two windows too the outside world, all three windows had screens, so i could snipe a few more hostiles before they reached where i was. Finally after what felt like a good bit of time, some of the hostiles reached the building, i heard the explosion go off on the stairs, and went to the back of shooting room two in the corner and waited for someone to go into shooting room one, as soon as they did i put two rounds into him, then another man came into the room that i was in, with no time to reload ammo, i dropped the weapon reached for my side arm and pistoled whipped him with it silently, one swift blow to the back of the head and he dropped, then i fed him a single round. Then the dream faded. mission complete, or they dropped a bomb on my ass, not very sure.

I have never been in the military, i dont play video games, but i have this reoccurring dream scape alot. Just go through some of my previous dream records and you will see it. Was I a soldier in a previous life, perhaps one in a future life. Or perhaps dreams are not as random as we think. What if they are real conscious entities, from alternate realities, and what if we go through every one of these realities every night, that is why we can pick out the pattern. 

12/6/2010 - my true self

i was in some sort of insane asylum. the room i was in was rather huge, and i remember their was a huge blood stain on the floor in the middle, i reember they gave me a room on another floor and said i could start moving my things to that floor, but i remember feeling unsure of this change. i was going to have to some how take my tv and stuff upstairs, i remember having like 3 pairs of shoes, then the dream fades

and i find myself in the basement area of a friends house. The brother of a friend is getting kicked out of the house for smoking or having weed or something like that. There are other details that im missing, as they fade from me right now. gonna lay back down and see what else comes up.

i did dream, and did go lucid but i was conscious of just emotion, and energy. Which got me to thinking. What if my real existence is a medicated state in some asylum. And everything else is the dream. My writing this down is just one existence. I say this because i have come to realize when lucid, i feel like i have an extra set of memories about the places that i am in. Like i know how i got there because ive dreamed the same dream scenario tons of times, so many times that idk if they are just a dream, by definition they exist as i exist like energy.

Dream Recall Troubles

Ive touched down on this before. The troubles with dream recall. Well I have pinpointed the epicenter of problem. Im sad to say, marijuana is the culprit. I previously blogged about how I thought it messed with my dream recall and at this point i am convinced of it. Ever since ive started back smoking on a daily basis. The memory of my dreams fades exponentially faster. So i have came to the conclusion.. Marijuana  smokers feel like they have no dreams, because the short term memory were the dreams fire off, doesnt leave an imprint on the short term memory.

I do remember tho, that i did dream last night, i remember telling myself to remember them, i remember going lucid. BUT i cant remember the pivotal starting piece of information that would lead me to the other stored information haha. Like the "how did i get here" method of reality checking., Well. I dont know how i got here. Or even what here is.

tooo much bloging

i dreamed that i sat in front of the pc.. bloging and chatting. all night. weird.

12/3/2010 - Felt like Vin Diesel in Babylon A.D.

This dream was fairly strange, because right off when i came to in this realms, there was gun fire from every corner and children that i had to protect. Not just any children, but children that were special some how. They werent mine but i was in charge of protecting them from these people. Pick up a gun, execute someone, go to the next target. I remember this went on for what felt like hours. Until some how, one of the projections hard one of the children at gun point. Then it went to like a final fantasy type cut scene. I went lucid for sheer seconds, and willed energy in between the gun and the child. Like a wall of high density bullet proof glass. He fired, the energy absorbed the blast, i drop the protect and sent a blazing bullet in between the projections eyes then the dream faded. Mission was complete, and i jumped into another dream.

Lucid Dream Challenge - The Switch-a-roo

So my dream recall has been really really crappy for the past few days. Like i remember dreaming, just not remembering what is being dreamed. Oh wellz. I will post a challenge for you readers. This is one of the first things I taught myself when lucid dreaming. I call it the good ol switch-a-roo.

Manipulating dream space for some is no easy task. They dont get the concept that you cant force the change, you have to will the change. One has to accept what is being changed, and just know that it will change. For instance, your in a bar setting, but you think, "aw i dont think i have money" now what you have to do is look for it, know that you have a big bag of money somewhere, you just set it down, remember how big the money was. AND it will appear. but before u can run, you must crawl. So here is my challenge.

Lucid Dream Challenge with instructions:
 Change something in your hand into a butterfly. In waking life i always have change so this is very easy for me to accept something is in my pocket when i reach. If you are a girl you might dream of having a purse with you. Next take the small object in both hands, and close your hand around the object, close your eyes and tell yourself when your hands open you will see a beautiful butterfly out. Now open your eyes, then your hands and watch it fly away.

The objective is to realize that in order for things to happen in the dream world, it has to seem acceptable. You have to have faith and know that YOUR WILL will happen the way you will it too. Mastering ones own will is to master the dream realm. Think of yourself as god and in the universe you exist in ALL THINGS are possible and happen at your will. like you are pharoh with magical powers.